Yesterday I was driving home after dropping the boys off at school and I found myself obsessing over a problem one of the boys is having. I could not stop thinking about it -- what I should or could do about it, how he was feeling about it, what purpose this serves in his life, and so on. And so on. After a while, I stopped my thoughts short. What am I doing? Wasn't I going to use this time in the car to pray? Yes! That's what I meant to do. But a short time later I realized I wasn't praying at all -- I was still obsessing.
And then I started thinking about that. Isn't that what a mother does? Isn't a mother the one person who will always think of you and about you? The person who can't stop rooting for you? The person who's in your corner and whose thoughts are full of you?
I stopped my thoughts again and began berating myself for failing at the prayer time. It took me a minute or two to realize that was a waste of time, a trap. And then I thought of that verse in Psalm 139: How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them. Apparently that verse can also be translated like this: How precious are your thoughts concerning me, O God! How vast is the sum of them. (Really. Check the NIV text notes; wow, that makes me sound like a major geek!)
But the idea struck me...Are God's thoughts full of each of us as my thoughts were full of my son on this particular morning? The way I could not stop thinking of him, contemplating what could be done, what would be best...is this just a little bit like the way God is always thinking of each one of us? Rooting for us? Wanting and hoping the best for us? I think perhaps it is. The next verse says, Were I to count them (God thoughts), they would outnumber the grains of sand. So I stopped feeling bad about not praying. Instead I felt so relieved, so grateful that God's thoughts are constantly full of love for me and that if I'm obsessing over this boy I love so much, well, God is all the more.
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7 comments:
Yes, what a good reminder of God's thoughts towards us.
And I hope your son's problem gets solved soon!
I just don't get it. I can't imagine God thinking about me so much. I can't imagine that He'd want to, or that He'd find that much that He'd want to occupy His tremendous mind with.
Maybe He finds you a more attractive subject of His thoughts, but for me, the first translation makes more sense.
Peaj, I guess the other morning was the first time that translation did make sense to me. I can't get my head around it or even feel like it could be true if I'm thinking of myself...but it was my thoughts about one of the boys and the way I couldn't get him off my mind and heart that made the connection for me when I thought of that Psalm.
Nina,it gives me such comfort to think that God thinks as much about me as I do about Lara - and maybe even more, since he's God :) That's awesome!!!!
I am loving reading your blog tonight. So glad you are writing and using that gift - it makes me happy and I love getting to hear your well-articulated thoughts.
xoxo
Carolyn, you are too kind...but I'm glad you're enjoying because you're the reason I started this blog!
Carolyn, you are too kind...but I'm glad you're enjoying because you're the reason I started this blog!
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