The good news is that one morning a few weeks ago, the big idea that my book desperately needed finally came to me. I am grateful. All along I knew that something -- something big -- was missing from this story of mine. I needed a magical element, but I had nothing. It was a big blank space in my head. And it was so strange. I had characters, and the roughest outline of a plot, and several pages of story...but I knew a huge piece was lurking somewhere outside my head. It came to me in the way that things often do... seemingly unrelated ideas that keep hammering away at my brain for reasons I can't explain until they finally bubble up and present themselves as something new, something transformed -- something I need.
The bad news is that I am having a terrible time writing. It's a tired old complaint, I know. Aside from just the realities of life, I feel like my beliefs about myself are holding me back. When I was a child and even a teen, I thought I had no talents whatsoever. I still struggle to see myself as a creative person. I completely doubt my ability to write a whole novel. That's for other people, I think, not me. I have to push past these thoughts and feelings constantly; but when I try to, I feel like I'm deluding myself. I'm not asking anyone to tell me these things aren't true. I wouldn't even believe it anyway. The problem is with me, in my head and in my heart; and if I can't overcome these things, then this book won't ever get written.
7 comments:
Let me know when you get this stuff sorted out; I'd love to hear about how someone else overcomes these self doubts.
Yeah, it is tough to believe in yourself.For years I have been writing parts of songs and never finishing them and starting stories and never finishing them because I get to a certain point and say,"this is crap". Maybe it is crap to some people. Maybe it is crap to every one but that isn't the point. The point is that it is mine. It is what is inside me. Your book is what is inside you. If you have a desire to write a book and it is burning a hole in your brain, then you are a creative person and you will always feel angst until you get it out.Do it.Do it.
Peaj -- When I've made it to the overcoming side of things, I'll let you know.
Merry -- I think you should go back and finish those songs -- and then share them with me!
Sometimes we need to treat ourselves as we would treat a friend. Like, it's amazing how hard we are on ourselves when we would NEVER be that way to someone else.
Also, it's not necessarily our job to judge the content while it's still being created, still being formed. It's our job to get it out, get it written, sung, charted in chords, sewn, whatever. And then, when it is truly out, we can start finishing it and fine-tuning it.
Nina, you are truly a creative person. But whether you believe that or not, you have a job to do and sometimes there is comfort in knowing just that: that you simply have a job to do, one word at a time.
And you'll do it. This story is yours to write and can be done by no other person. I can't wait to read it someday.
I love that you're writing and that the 'idea' which alluded you has surfaced. I think we all doubt our abilities, gifts, and talents. Whatever it is that we have to offer though is valuable. Doesn't the same God whose thoughts towards you outnumber the grains of sand also say that you are precious in His sight? You are valuable Nina, and so is expressing that which God has put inside of you.
Jess -- You are absolutely right. And it does help me to think of it as a job, a responsibility. Some days that helps me get past all my blockages; other days, not so much.
Beck -- I know what you're saying. I think I'm just terrified to find out that I can't actually do what I hope to do, and most days that seems like the most likely outcome.
I'm so glad you are working on it! Take heart that every writer I've ever heard of goes though all kinds of permutations and variations of doubts and road blocks. That thought "I can't do this" is just part of the process of writing.
I will throw in my book recommendation here since its topical: "Writing from the Inside Out" by Dennis Palumbo. Subtitled "Transforming your Psychological Blocks to Release the Writer Within". Its a little breezy and screen-writery, but he has some very helpful points, like recognizing that you have a relationship with your writing that needs to be nurtured and cultivated.
You will get there- I know it!
Post a Comment