Why?

Yesterday I talked to my forever best friend and she told me some terrible news. A good friend of hers, age 44 and pregnant as a result of their third (and final) round of IVF (they're out of money), had recently learned that their baby had trisomy 18 and aborted it. Her. A baby girl.

This is just heartbreaking to me. For years this woman has wanted nothing more than to get married and have a child. She got married just a few years ago, and they have been trying ever since for a baby. This woman has had a difficult life. Both of her parents have been dead for years. Her siblings are morons and she has no emotional connection with them. She had a close relationship with her mom before she died and desperately wants to be a mom herself... Her career has been in a tailspin for years because the industry she works in has undergone much change and she doesn't bring home the salary she used to. Her husband has some difficult health issues... And now their dream of building a family is dashed, ended in loss and grief.

Last week my husband and I sat in the office with the genetic counselor and listened to all her doom and gloom. I don't recommend getting pregnant at my age. The statistics are nothing short of alarming -- 1 in 35 pregnancies will have chromosomal abnormalities. We were told that the ultrasound we were about to get would identify 99 out of 100 cases of trisomy 13 and 18. Those babies rarely live more than a year. And it would identify about 70 out of 100 cases of down's syndrome. We watched the ultrasound intently. Counted limbs, fingers, and toes. Held our breath as we watched the four chambers of the heart contract and expand -- a mesmerizing sight.

Despite the terrible odds, the doctor came in after the ultrasound and said our baby looked so good that the likelihood of problems had dropped dramatically -- to about a 1 percent chance. As I said in a previous post, God doesn't need the odds. He likes to battle tens of thousands with an army of 300.

And so this baby we have not asked for or looked for appears to be the most beautiful and healthy baby boy...and I am humbled. Why me? Who are we to receive this gift? We already have the three most wonderful boys on this earth (no offense intended to my readers' sons), and now we are being given what so many people so desperately long for and pray for.

There are many ways to be reminded that we are not God. This is one way that God has reminded me of that essential truth. I don't create life, and I don't get to set myself up as God's judge and insist that someone else really needed a baby more than we do. I confess I did just that a few months ago when i found out I was pregnant. Honestly, I am sometimes astounded by the things God can forgive.

A boy

I guess two months is kind of a long break to take from blogging. Oh well. Sometimes words just don't come.

This week we found out we're expecting a baby boy. We've never found out by ultrasound what we're expecting. Always waited for the surprise. But this time we already had the surprise, so we decided we needed to know.

Most people were sure this baby was a girl. I wasn't sure, but I seriously thought it might be...and, quite honestly, that is what I was hope, hope, hoping for. But it's a little dude, and now that I know, I am so thrilled. A boy is just right...the perfect fit for our family of boys...and I now feel the most excitement that I've felt so far about this pregnancy. Who is this little fellow?

And let's be honest, little boys always adore their mothers...and even during adolescence things are more smooth between mothers and sons than they generally are between mothers and daughters.

Best of all, he appears to be perfectly healthy. I am just so grateful.

And as my husband said, well, now that we know...we can start fighting over names! Good times.