Who writes these things? Have you ever thought about how dreadful and inappropriate most sympathy card sentiments are? I ran into the grocery store this evening for five items and came out with fifteen instead. As usual. But one of the things I realized I needed was a sympathy card. We have a new and amazing grocery store in town with a huge card section, so it's not actually lame of me to look for one there.
Anyway.
It's always hard to find any kind of card with just the right sentiment, but a sympathy card is a particular challenge. Tonight I decided to reject all the God cards. They all seemed insensitive. Ironic, right? One of the cards I picked up said something like "Praying for you as God heals your heart." What? Their loved one has just died. Can't they grieve? Can't we acknowledge the black hole of their pain and loss rather than rushing them toward "healing"?
On Monday evening, my friend called me. Her seventeen-year-old stepson had had an aneurysm that morning. He was not expected to make it. This boy was a gifted athlete who had just graduated from high school. He had a full scholarship to play baseball at a college in Pennsylvania. He was in apparent perfect health. He died yesterday. Are there words for these circumstances? None could be found in the sympathy card section, but W.H. Auden struck just the right note in his poem "Funeral Blues."
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let traffic policeman wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Superpowers
I can honestly tell you that when I was a kid I never once considered what superpowers I might or might not want to have. I never gave them a second thought. Or a first.
But the boys, at least the younger two, still talk about "powers," and which ones they'd like to have.
A few months ago, I told Son2 that if I could have any superpower, it would be the power to suck the migraines right out of his head. Hands down. This is the superpower I'm looking for.
I'd like to use it tonight, for the migraine that reared up 45 minutes ago. I would have liked to have it Saturday at 4 a.m. when he woke me to tell me he had a terrible migraine. Please. Oh please. This is the superpower I want. We have two weeks of Oliver craziness ahead of us. Late rehearsals all week. And then the performances. Then a few days off before rehearsals and more performances. It seems like a time that this superpower could come in handy. I'm just praying that God will choose to use his superpowers to keep the migraines from even being a factor in all of this.
This leaves me wondering what superpowers you would like to have. It doesn't have to be as serious as mine. In fact, I hope it's not. It could be silly. It could be completely self-serving. Whatever it is, I'm curious. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
But the boys, at least the younger two, still talk about "powers," and which ones they'd like to have.
A few months ago, I told Son2 that if I could have any superpower, it would be the power to suck the migraines right out of his head. Hands down. This is the superpower I'm looking for.
I'd like to use it tonight, for the migraine that reared up 45 minutes ago. I would have liked to have it Saturday at 4 a.m. when he woke me to tell me he had a terrible migraine. Please. Oh please. This is the superpower I want. We have two weeks of Oliver craziness ahead of us. Late rehearsals all week. And then the performances. Then a few days off before rehearsals and more performances. It seems like a time that this superpower could come in handy. I'm just praying that God will choose to use his superpowers to keep the migraines from even being a factor in all of this.
This leaves me wondering what superpowers you would like to have. It doesn't have to be as serious as mine. In fact, I hope it's not. It could be silly. It could be completely self-serving. Whatever it is, I'm curious. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I Move Things
Years ago I was talking to one of my friends -- also the mother of three boys. She told me that she'd come up with an accurate description for her responsibilities as a mother. She said, "I move things. That's all I do." It feels like all I do too. I move...
Dirty dishes into the dishwasher and out again when they're clean.
Dirty clothes into the washer. Later I move the wet clothes into the dryer and then the dry clothes out to be folded.
Food from refrigerator to countertop to oven to plate to table.
Soap and toothpaste to another surface before I scrub the sink.
Boys to school, to practice, to games, to rehearsals, to friends' houses, to church events -- and back home, of course.
Trash to the trashcan.
Clothes to the foot of the stairs for boys to move upstairs to their rooms or to the laundry room.
Mail and papers to their appropriate homes...though not always immediately.
Dust and pet hair with the help of a broom, a vacuum, and a rag.
My work as an editor can be described in the same way. I move words, commas, and periods for a living.
I find comfort in the rhythm of moving things and putting them away. The repetition of mindless tasks and the temporary achievement of everything in its place soothes me. The predictability of routine is, I suspect, my attempt to placate that little girl inside who was always having the rug pulled out from under her. The unpredictability of those episodes left their mark, and this is one way that it shows.
There are two kinds of people in the world, I think. Those who like routine and repetition and those who prefer variety and spontaneity. I am the former, my husband is the latter. Poor him.
Well, time to go move some kids to the places they need to be.
Dirty dishes into the dishwasher and out again when they're clean.
Dirty clothes into the washer. Later I move the wet clothes into the dryer and then the dry clothes out to be folded.
Food from refrigerator to countertop to oven to plate to table.
Soap and toothpaste to another surface before I scrub the sink.
Boys to school, to practice, to games, to rehearsals, to friends' houses, to church events -- and back home, of course.
Trash to the trashcan.
Clothes to the foot of the stairs for boys to move upstairs to their rooms or to the laundry room.
Mail and papers to their appropriate homes...though not always immediately.
Dust and pet hair with the help of a broom, a vacuum, and a rag.
My work as an editor can be described in the same way. I move words, commas, and periods for a living.
I find comfort in the rhythm of moving things and putting them away. The repetition of mindless tasks and the temporary achievement of everything in its place soothes me. The predictability of routine is, I suspect, my attempt to placate that little girl inside who was always having the rug pulled out from under her. The unpredictability of those episodes left their mark, and this is one way that it shows.
There are two kinds of people in the world, I think. Those who like routine and repetition and those who prefer variety and spontaneity. I am the former, my husband is the latter. Poor him.
Well, time to go move some kids to the places they need to be.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Things Kids Say
Tonight, Son3 asked me: "Why do old people have such saggy skin? Look at Coach B. His skin is so saggy it looks like he has skin sideburns." Whatever "skin sideburns" may be, I know I don't want them. But all I could say was, "That's what happens." I didn't bother to say that eventually it would happen to him.
This reminded me of something hilarious that a friend's daughter said to her one day when she got out of the shower: "Mommy, why do your nipples go up and Grammy's go down?"
Why is it that kids can see so clearly -- our faults, our weaknesses, our peculiarities?
A few weeks ago Son3 said this after a baseball game: "We're never going to win a game. I can see it in my coach's eyes." Ugh.
There are so many, many things I wish I'd written down over the years. Hilarious comments. Astounding observations. If your kids are little, I urge you not to be a lazy, procrastinating slacker like me. Write it down! And if the kids you love (yours, your nieces and nephews, your friends' kids) have said something lately that's humorous or profound, please share it.
This reminded me of something hilarious that a friend's daughter said to her one day when she got out of the shower: "Mommy, why do your nipples go up and Grammy's go down?"
Why is it that kids can see so clearly -- our faults, our weaknesses, our peculiarities?
A few weeks ago Son3 said this after a baseball game: "We're never going to win a game. I can see it in my coach's eyes." Ugh.
There are so many, many things I wish I'd written down over the years. Hilarious comments. Astounding observations. If your kids are little, I urge you not to be a lazy, procrastinating slacker like me. Write it down! And if the kids you love (yours, your nieces and nephews, your friends' kids) have said something lately that's humorous or profound, please share it.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Small Surprises
In some ways parenting is sheer drudgery. But in a good way. Unless you're insane, you'd never give it up or wish it different. Well, maybe wish it a bit different, like wishing for more sleep when your kids are little.
For years parenting seems to be all about diapers and feeding, teaching and disciplining. Get through that and it can seem like parenting is only about driving, delivering the kids from point A to point B and then doing it all over again. I exaggerate only slightly; that's where I am right now -- the taxi service phase. Surely this is God's way of making you excited about the prospect of your children starting to drive.
This phase, when your kids are of school age, is delightful, if hectic. If you're like me, you might even start to think you have this whole parenting thing down pat. You know who your kids are -- their strengths and weaknesses. You know what to expect from them. And this is the dangerous part, I think. If you're not careful, you could start to put them into boxes and leave them there. This one does well in school. This one hates math. This one is an artist. This one won't ever eat anything deemed "squishy." You could easily compartmentalize and not see that your youngest, who you have always thought of as an athlete and outdoors guy, is an artist too. Surprise!
I think that surprises are the best part of parenting. Okay. In the future I might not think this is true. But right now I do.
This week Son2 surprised me. Out of the blue, he said, "Do you know what my favorite quote is?" Of course I did not, but I was expecting something funny. Instead he said, "'It's amazing what you can accomplish if you don't care who gets the credit.' Harry Truman said it. I love that quote. I think it's really true."
I was flabbergasted (the kid hasn't even worked in an office yet -- how does he know this is true?) -- and delighted. It's fascinating to me that at age eleven this could be his favorite quote. This is the kind of thing that makes me think -- wait, who are you?
On Mother's Day we went to DC, a favorite family tradition. It was a breezy, blue-sky day and we walked from the Metro to the Jefferson Memorial. A certain youngest child who is not particularly fond of museums and memorials might remember the dead rat floating in the tidal basin as one of the highlights of the trip (which he and his dad had to capture on camera), but his oldest brother was captivated by this Jefferson quote and took a picture of it with his phone:
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be."
Surprise. This boy was already in my smart boy box. And my thinker box. But still, I was astounded. Really? You're fourteen, and you love this? I think teenage boys get such a bad rap. Most people are prone to put them in the unruly and obnoxious box.
Speaking of surprises, I surprised myself this week. The youngest has an injury, which he is, perhaps, grossly exaggerating. Hard to say. This is the sort of situation that reminds me that I don't have this parenting thing down pat. Hmmm, it's not particularly swollen, but you won't walk on it. So we made a trip to the ER and he is supposed to use this enormous CAM walker thing for a week until we follow up with orthopedics on Tuesday. Since all my children have a theatrical bent and this one in particular has an iron will, the situation is maddening. I believe he could walk on it just fine if he wanted to.
So I've been tempting him with a paintball birthday party that he and his brothers have been invited to on Saturday:
"Wow, you're not going to be able to play paintball if you can't wear a normal shoe and run around on it."
"I really hope you can play paintball. I'd hate to see you miss that."
Then, his oldest brother got in on the act. He started calling him wuss-cake:
"C'mon wuss-cake, come and get me."
"Gonna walk on that wuss-cake?"
"How ya doin', cake?"
I surprised myself by not stopping him. I usually put the kabosh on name calling, but I knew he was doing it to provoke his brother to walk. In fact, I was so irritated with the little dude that I wanted to call him wuss-cake myself.
Unfortunately, there was another surprise. The youngest kid's got a stronger will and a greater need for attention than I thought...
For years parenting seems to be all about diapers and feeding, teaching and disciplining. Get through that and it can seem like parenting is only about driving, delivering the kids from point A to point B and then doing it all over again. I exaggerate only slightly; that's where I am right now -- the taxi service phase. Surely this is God's way of making you excited about the prospect of your children starting to drive.
This phase, when your kids are of school age, is delightful, if hectic. If you're like me, you might even start to think you have this whole parenting thing down pat. You know who your kids are -- their strengths and weaknesses. You know what to expect from them. And this is the dangerous part, I think. If you're not careful, you could start to put them into boxes and leave them there. This one does well in school. This one hates math. This one is an artist. This one won't ever eat anything deemed "squishy." You could easily compartmentalize and not see that your youngest, who you have always thought of as an athlete and outdoors guy, is an artist too. Surprise!
I think that surprises are the best part of parenting. Okay. In the future I might not think this is true. But right now I do.
This week Son2 surprised me. Out of the blue, he said, "Do you know what my favorite quote is?" Of course I did not, but I was expecting something funny. Instead he said, "'It's amazing what you can accomplish if you don't care who gets the credit.' Harry Truman said it. I love that quote. I think it's really true."
I was flabbergasted (the kid hasn't even worked in an office yet -- how does he know this is true?) -- and delighted. It's fascinating to me that at age eleven this could be his favorite quote. This is the kind of thing that makes me think -- wait, who are you?
On Mother's Day we went to DC, a favorite family tradition. It was a breezy, blue-sky day and we walked from the Metro to the Jefferson Memorial. A certain youngest child who is not particularly fond of museums and memorials might remember the dead rat floating in the tidal basin as one of the highlights of the trip (which he and his dad had to capture on camera), but his oldest brother was captivated by this Jefferson quote and took a picture of it with his phone:
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be."
Surprise. This boy was already in my smart boy box. And my thinker box. But still, I was astounded. Really? You're fourteen, and you love this? I think teenage boys get such a bad rap. Most people are prone to put them in the unruly and obnoxious box.
Speaking of surprises, I surprised myself this week. The youngest has an injury, which he is, perhaps, grossly exaggerating. Hard to say. This is the sort of situation that reminds me that I don't have this parenting thing down pat. Hmmm, it's not particularly swollen, but you won't walk on it. So we made a trip to the ER and he is supposed to use this enormous CAM walker thing for a week until we follow up with orthopedics on Tuesday. Since all my children have a theatrical bent and this one in particular has an iron will, the situation is maddening. I believe he could walk on it just fine if he wanted to.
So I've been tempting him with a paintball birthday party that he and his brothers have been invited to on Saturday:
"Wow, you're not going to be able to play paintball if you can't wear a normal shoe and run around on it."
"I really hope you can play paintball. I'd hate to see you miss that."
Then, his oldest brother got in on the act. He started calling him wuss-cake:
"C'mon wuss-cake, come and get me."
"Gonna walk on that wuss-cake?"
"How ya doin', cake?"
I surprised myself by not stopping him. I usually put the kabosh on name calling, but I knew he was doing it to provoke his brother to walk. In fact, I was so irritated with the little dude that I wanted to call him wuss-cake myself.
Unfortunately, there was another surprise. The youngest kid's got a stronger will and a greater need for attention than I thought...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
News?
I was watching CNN this morning and saw this scrolling on the bottom of the screen in the little "news" ticker that all the networks seem to use these days:
Foul stench in office fridge sickens 7.
Now that's breaking news for you. Consider yourself updated on world events.
Foul stench in office fridge sickens 7.
Now that's breaking news for you. Consider yourself updated on world events.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Observed
Yesterday while driving the boys home from school, I saw this bumper sticker:
If you think UNDER GOD should be removed from the pledge, then get out of the USA and GO TO HELL.
I laughed out loud. I happened to notice the bumper sticker while we were waiting at a traffic light next to the Extreme Food & Gas Mart. Which is always good for a chuckle.
Here are a few more observations I've made recently:
1. Recently I noticed a septic service truck with these three adjectives describing their services: Reliable, Reasonable, Competent. I can understand reliable and reasonable, but...competent? I hope they're more competent at septic servicing than they are at marketing. Which they probably are. Word nerd that I am, I had to look up competent just because it seemed such a poor word choice for this usage. Webster's definition is "Having requisite or adequate ability or qualities." Like I said. If I had a septic system, I'd be looking for a little more than competence.
2. Someone who shops at my local grocery store has this bumper sticker: Vegetarian -- Indian word for bad hunter. I'm a vegetarian, and that always gives me a laugh.
3. Before Easter I saw a handpainted sign on my way to the boys' school. It said: Easter flowers ahead. Git 'R Done. Somehow I don't think that had been expressed just like that before.
I don't know if David Letterman still does his thing with signs, headlines, and such because I haven't watched him in years. So I need a fix: Do you have any humorous bumper stickers or signs to share?
If you think UNDER GOD should be removed from the pledge, then get out of the USA and GO TO HELL.
I laughed out loud. I happened to notice the bumper sticker while we were waiting at a traffic light next to the Extreme Food & Gas Mart. Which is always good for a chuckle.
Here are a few more observations I've made recently:
1. Recently I noticed a septic service truck with these three adjectives describing their services: Reliable, Reasonable, Competent. I can understand reliable and reasonable, but...competent? I hope they're more competent at septic servicing than they are at marketing. Which they probably are. Word nerd that I am, I had to look up competent just because it seemed such a poor word choice for this usage. Webster's definition is "Having requisite or adequate ability or qualities." Like I said. If I had a septic system, I'd be looking for a little more than competence.
2. Someone who shops at my local grocery store has this bumper sticker: Vegetarian -- Indian word for bad hunter. I'm a vegetarian, and that always gives me a laugh.
3. Before Easter I saw a handpainted sign on my way to the boys' school. It said: Easter flowers ahead. Git 'R Done. Somehow I don't think that had been expressed just like that before.
I don't know if David Letterman still does his thing with signs, headlines, and such because I haven't watched him in years. So I need a fix: Do you have any humorous bumper stickers or signs to share?
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