Most mornings, if you were to get a sneak peek inside my house, you'd find me with the first half hour of the Today Show on. I catch glimpses of it as I make lunches and remind people to actually get up and eat breakfast in time to leave for school. Somehow, a strong cup of coffee along with their brand of "news" and their little dose of morning cheerfulness helps to orient me to the world on weekday mornings. Not sure how that happened.
Last week when I was watching, Meredith and Matt had a brief chat with the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. As they rolled a clip of her writhing on the beach in her impossibly small bikini, she was explaining how wonderful it was to hear her father tell her how incredibly proud he was of her to have made the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Umm. Yeah. Not exactly the reaction I would have if she were my daughter and I were her father.
So that got me wondering, what would make me proud as a parent? I love my boys and I receive a lot of joy from watching them do the things they love to do...but I don't know that I necessarily feel proud of them when they get an A, make a goal, get a hit, or do a great job on stage. I feel happy for them, of course. But I don't think I feel proud.
Of course, it's a strange phrase anyway. What is it to be proud of someone else? I had to look up the word proud in the dictionary to get an idea of what it really means in this context. One definition for proud is "much pleased" and that must be how it's being used here.
I know for sure I wouldn't be "much pleased" to have a daughter displaying her body for cash. No matter how substantial the paycheck or how great the fame.
What makes me feel proud of the boys -- what makes me feel much pleased -- is when they choose to act compassionately or express love for others, particularly those less fortunate than themselves. A few years ago Son3 was honored in chapel with a medal because his classmates chose him as the one who was most Christ-like in their class. That afternoon, he got in the car and told me he'd received a medal. His brothers clamored to see it, but he told us he didn't have it. He'd given it away to a kid in his class -- a boy who is kind of a sad case who really wanted the medal for himself. Son3 gave it to the boy, and his brothers berated him for it. I wasn't proud of his brothers for lambasting him, but I was definitely proud of him. He's a kindhearted little fellow, and that pleases me.
And my other guys have done things for others that have astounded and pleased me. I'd like to tell you, but for whatever reason it just doesn't seem right to share the details. But their hearts are generous and good. This makes me proud. Not that I feel I can take any credit for it. I actually don't. But I do feel much pleased. I feel grateful that I get to be their mom.
Anyway, I'm just wondering what would make you feel proud of your kids or your nieces or nephews or whomever. Do you feel proud of their accomplishments? Their grades or their goals in soccer game? Is it strange that I don't?
And if your daughter grew up to become a swimsuit model for Sports Illustrated, would you feel proud of that? Don't worry...if you say yes, I won't blast you for it. Or not too badly anyway...
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13 comments:
I do actually feel so proud of my nieces and nephews whenever they perform. Maybe it's because I do it, too, and I know how much it takes to get up there if front of all those people.
I remember the first time I went to Selah's little in-studio recital I actually cried when she walked across the room "en releve" with her arms in 1st position.
Maybe because it's so darned sentimental AND seeing them do these things are bittersweet because it reminds me that they are growing up every day.
I also feel really proud of their little hearts, too, though; and if they don't want to perform, then I will be proud of them still.
When I was little, I would always ask my mom if she would be "proud of me if I was a..." and would always change the last word to see what her response would be--a garbage man (though I would never actually be a man), someone who wiped bottoms, etc. etc.
She inevitably had the same response: I would be proud of you for loving Jesus--no matter what your job is.
So I knew. No matter if I did the most embarrassing job I could conceive of, she would still be proud of my heart.
That has stuck with me.
p.s. sorry or all the poor grammar--it's late;-)
After reading your comment and thinking through what I wrote, I realize I may have to take back some of what I said. Just like you feel proud of your nieces and nephews, I guess I do feel proud of the boys when I see them in a game or up on stage. I said I felt joy in watching them, which I guess is another way of saying "much pleased." Guess I should have looked up the definition of proud before I started the post in the first place.
Anyway.
I think part of what I was trying to say is that some parents feel proud of their kids for winning or being the best, and that's not really me. I'm more interested in seeing them work hard at something, enjoy what they do, and be good to others in the process.
A few weeks ago Son3 was in a basketball game and he scored half his team's points. His dad and I were kind of amazed by how well he played...but we didn't feel "proud." We were just like, "Huh...wow." But a week or two later, his coach commended him for not guarding the girl he was supposed to be guarding too closely. She was outmatched...my son knew it, and he backed off a bit to make the game more fair and competitive and to give her room to play. That made us -- and his coach -- proud.
And for the record, when I see your nieces acting on stage -- and really all the kids at church -- I feel proud of them all.
I think I saw what you meant, though. I know that you are much pleased in what they do--but that you are even more interested in the state of their hearts.
And being proud of friends/family is a really great feeling, I think;-)
thanks for posting this, Nina!
I am proud of my kids. I am proud when they do well in school, make goals in soccer, etc. They don't have to be the best. I think that I am most proud when I see that they have strong spirits. So, if they scored 15 goals but it was easy for them, I would be less proud than if they worked hard all game and finally got past that tough defender and took a shot, even if the shot went wide. Pride in school work is more a delight when I see that they are becoming more accomplished.
I'm also proud when I see them being generous, loving, and pursuing God. I feel proud when my peers have nice things to say about my kids. All of this pride isn't based on a sense that "I did this - my kids are succeeding because I did such a great job parenting them." There is more a sense of awe that they are being successful beyond what I have given them.
I, too, feel much pleased at those Latshaw kids. They are all just so amazing and delightful.
No, I wouldn't be proud if my daughter was a swimsuit model. I would feel ashamed.
I kind of feel that if my daughter's dream was to be a swimsuit model than I would be proud of her for doing what her dream was. Course, I don't have a daughter but if Lyric was doing something that truly made her happy, I mean TRULY than I would be happy for her, I think. I don't know though. I am always proud of Lyric and Ollie, especially when they are kind or doing something hilarious.
Being on the cover of a magazine is something to be proud of it that was a goal of yours, I think. I would certainly be proud of myself if I made the swimsuit issue of sports illustrated! haha But as far as my child goes, most everything she does makes me much pleased. I get so much joy watching her mature and grow.
Merry and Michele, it's interesting to me that you'd be proud of your daughter if she set a goal to be a swimsuit model and made it. If that was my daughter's goal, I'd tell her to get a new one.
Like PJ, I would be ashamed if my daughter chose such a career.
Not having girls, this is an interesting question to me. But I'm certain I would hate to raise the kind of girl who would flaunt her body and wield her sexuality in that way. Not that there's anything wrong with taking care of yourself and being beautiful...but I actually do think it's wrong to make a living off of enticing men sexually.
Now, Michele, if that's what you want to do, I'm not going to say it's a bad idea. ;) Keep up those workouts and I could be blogging about your choices next year!
perhaps we could start a new blog--
magazinemichele.blogspot.com
I have kept kind of mum about the whole "daughter making the cover of sports illustrated swimsuit edition" thing for a few reasons.
I agree that one should not entice men sexually. And I think that that particular magazine is pretty clearly doing that.
However, I am a dancer. And in that artistic genre, sometimes you don't wear a lot of clothing. I have performed in what I am sure many people would consider to be improper. However, I do it because it is part of the culture, part of my profession.
And honestly, I don't feel badly about it. Of course there is a time and a place--any time I have danced in church I have made sure to cover myself to the Nth degree.
But when it comes to the line of the body and showing technique and not hampering your movement, sometimes costumes are not a ton of material.
I guess these are two different things. I mean, I know they are. But I just want to be careful...I could see somebody judging me for what I am doing (people have), and it is hurtful.
Also, my godly and wonderful parents have always been nothing but supportive in my artistic endeavors. Of course, they--along with me--would be embarrassed to see me selling sex, but at the same time I have done shows where I have been sexy.
Now I don't even know if this makes sense.
So I was going to comment on your post Nina, and now I have gotten all distracted by the interesting dialog going on in the comment section! I respect you so much for your conviction, and the simple and straight forward way in which you express it. I think I would have a bit of a hard time with one of my girls choosing "swimsuit model" as their profession.
I am super proud of them when they show concern for one another. So much of their day is spent in competition, that it warms my heart and brings tears to my eyes when I watch them actively loving one another, just in little ways. Sharing a snack unselfishly, bestowing a hug or kiss impulsively.
Also, when they are polite and say please and thank you, my heart swells up with ridiculous pride!
Jessica, you are making sense and you make an interesting point. I think the arts is a totally different ballgame. I would never compare performing a dance in a skimpy costume to swimsuit modeling. I'd never say you (or any serious dancer) was making a living by enticing people sexually -- even if you were dancing in a swimsuit. They are completely different things.
Think about a movie actress doing a sex scene. In the context of the story, such a scene could be vital...would that be wrong in some way for a Christian actress? I don't think so. I wouldn't be ashamed of my daughter for that...
And Emily...I agree...those unselfish moments are priceless!
thanks Nina, for making sense of my wandering comment! Yes, I feel the same way.
You just put it so much better;-)
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