One book I return to occasionally is Poem Crazy: Freeing Your Life with Words. If you are prone to poetry writing at all, I highly recommend it. In my opinion much poetry is just dreadful to read -- either too abstract or too much about feelings, rather than evoking some. And other poems are deliberately too dense, leaving you with nothing more than a WHAT? I hate poems like that; they lack respect for the reader's time and attention. But Poem Crazy is good medicine for what ails your poetry, and I'm thinking of reading it again.
I guess I'm thinking of reading it again because I've been thinking about poetry again. I haven't written much poetry in the last five years, but I got the spark when my beloved childhood friend sent me her 12-year-old daughter's poem in the mail. I keep forgetting to ask her permission to post the poem here, but if she allows me to, I'll post it sometime soon. It is nothing short of astounding, and I hope she lets me share it. It brought tears to my eyes when I read it -- because it's such a wonderful poem, but also because this lovely girl has the flame of poetry inside her. I love that I can be inspired by a 12-year-old's work, and I'm grateful too.
On Friday I had Son2 write a list of Spring words. I do this to him occasionally, and he hates it. Oh well. It's a great exercise (one recommended in a few variations in Poem Crazy), and it creates some fertile ground for poetry writing. This morning when I walked the dog, I thought about my own Spring words as I listened to all the different bird songs and observed the tentative signs of life. They started stringing themselves together into phrases and ideas, and I know a poem will be coming soon. If (or when) I'm happy with it, then maybe I'll post it.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with a Spring poem I wrote a few years ago:
The Oriole
Will our orioles return with the daffodils?
Arrest our attention with their treetop song?
Will they weave another basket to dangle
precipitously
from the end of the slimmest of branches?
Will they lose another nestling
whose wings cannot bear it to safety?
Do those treetop dwellers remember?
With what dreams do they greet the spring?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Some books
A few weeks ago I was listening to Fresh Air, one of my favorite programs on NPR, and I heard an interview with Bart Ehrman, author of the book Jesus, Interrupted: Revealing the Hidden Contradictions in the Bible. I won't talk about the contradictions. I don't feel qualified. But what intrigued me about the interview was the author's discussion of his faith.
He considered himself a "born-again Christian" for years, including his time in seminary at Moody Bible Institute. But then he went on to Princeton Theological Seminary, and the more he studied, the more convinced he became that the Bible is not inerrant. This dramatically changed the author's faith, and he lived with that changed faith for years. But eventually he became an agnostic. Why? He decided he could no longer believe that a good God could allow so much suffering in the world.
I felt sad when I heard this, though I must tell you...the author did not seem sad. But it just got me wondering, why do we humans so often see this world as the glass half empty? We see the suffering, and we decide there is no loving God. I can understand that. I can. But how is it that we listen to the sound of the ocean waves and the cheerful chorus of birds, smell the lilacs and lillies, see the stars sparkling in our night sky and marvel at the way they offer a mode of navigation (if you happen to be a 15th century explorer)...and don't wonder whether there might just be an all-loving higher power out there after all? We survive because the sun and the rain do their work in the earth and enable us to eat...and we don't see God's goodness. Why is it so easy to draw conclusions from the suffering, but not draw the opposite conclusion from the beauty and the masterful design of this place? Interestingly enough, the interviewer asked him whether he still lived a life committed to ethics, and he said yes. That he felt even more free to choose and act in a moral and ethical way. He actually said, "A sense of morality and ethics is hardwired into me." I found that to be an interesting and telling choice of words...
I was talking with a friend about this, and she mentioned another book (don't know the title) written by someone who underwent a dramatic conversion from addict to drug-free Christian, and years later renounced his faith because he decided God didn't answer his prayers. It got me thinking that these two men are each on their own journeys, and these particular books may not be their last words on faith. Some day, a new understanding may come to them. If so, maybe they'll write some new books.
I haven't read Jesus, Interrupted and don't really plan to. But after a long and exhausting search for any book that will capture my attention, I have found one: An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith. I'm only in chapter 2, but the theme seems to be that the whole world is God's House, and we can encounter him anywhere. He is not confined to the church and his speech is not only heard through the Bible. I think I will be sharing my thoughts about this book as I read it, because I love it. I'll leave you with this quote from chapter 1:
"The House of God stretches from one corner of the universe to the other. Sea monsters and ostriches live in it, along with people who pray in languages I do not speak, whose names I will never know.
"I am not in charge of this House, and never will be. I have no say about who is in and who is out. I do not get to make the rules. Like Job, I was nowhere when God laid the foundations of the earth. I cannot bind the chains of the Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion. I do not even know when the mountain goats give birth, much less the ordinances of the heavens. I am a guest here, charged with serving other guests -- even those who present themselves as my enemies."
He considered himself a "born-again Christian" for years, including his time in seminary at Moody Bible Institute. But then he went on to Princeton Theological Seminary, and the more he studied, the more convinced he became that the Bible is not inerrant. This dramatically changed the author's faith, and he lived with that changed faith for years. But eventually he became an agnostic. Why? He decided he could no longer believe that a good God could allow so much suffering in the world.
I felt sad when I heard this, though I must tell you...the author did not seem sad. But it just got me wondering, why do we humans so often see this world as the glass half empty? We see the suffering, and we decide there is no loving God. I can understand that. I can. But how is it that we listen to the sound of the ocean waves and the cheerful chorus of birds, smell the lilacs and lillies, see the stars sparkling in our night sky and marvel at the way they offer a mode of navigation (if you happen to be a 15th century explorer)...and don't wonder whether there might just be an all-loving higher power out there after all? We survive because the sun and the rain do their work in the earth and enable us to eat...and we don't see God's goodness. Why is it so easy to draw conclusions from the suffering, but not draw the opposite conclusion from the beauty and the masterful design of this place? Interestingly enough, the interviewer asked him whether he still lived a life committed to ethics, and he said yes. That he felt even more free to choose and act in a moral and ethical way. He actually said, "A sense of morality and ethics is hardwired into me." I found that to be an interesting and telling choice of words...
I was talking with a friend about this, and she mentioned another book (don't know the title) written by someone who underwent a dramatic conversion from addict to drug-free Christian, and years later renounced his faith because he decided God didn't answer his prayers. It got me thinking that these two men are each on their own journeys, and these particular books may not be their last words on faith. Some day, a new understanding may come to them. If so, maybe they'll write some new books.
I haven't read Jesus, Interrupted and don't really plan to. But after a long and exhausting search for any book that will capture my attention, I have found one: An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith. I'm only in chapter 2, but the theme seems to be that the whole world is God's House, and we can encounter him anywhere. He is not confined to the church and his speech is not only heard through the Bible. I think I will be sharing my thoughts about this book as I read it, because I love it. I'll leave you with this quote from chapter 1:
"The House of God stretches from one corner of the universe to the other. Sea monsters and ostriches live in it, along with people who pray in languages I do not speak, whose names I will never know.
"I am not in charge of this House, and never will be. I have no say about who is in and who is out. I do not get to make the rules. Like Job, I was nowhere when God laid the foundations of the earth. I cannot bind the chains of the Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion. I do not even know when the mountain goats give birth, much less the ordinances of the heavens. I am a guest here, charged with serving other guests -- even those who present themselves as my enemies."
Monday, March 2, 2009
In Like a Lion
When I was little, I was captivated by the phrase "March comes in like a lion but goes out like a lamb." Why, I am not certain. I do know that as a child I was always looking for certainty...so even a phrase that confidently predicted the weather may have been a welcome guarantee. Or perhaps I just liked the way the cold weather was described as a lion, and the warm weather as a lamb. A simile I could grasp.
March definitely roared in like a lion yesterday – just when I’d made peace with this winter’s lack of snow and my own readiness for spring. I’m not a big fan of a winter without snow, though recently I’ve been struck by the beauty of winter’s snowless palette.
One thing I love about living in this strange place, so different from the suburbia where I grew up and the urban areas I chose to live as a young adult, is the connection it brings with the changing landscape.
In the mornings I walk my dog down a street that leads out of town. It’s a strange street, because it is lined with houses and a sidewalk on one side and an enormous farm with a beautiful stone farmhouse and barn on the other. The farmland has gentle slopes and sections of thickets. Any time of year, on any given day, it can take my breath away. Not in a Grand Canyon kind of way, but in the way a single flower can bring you to your knees if you see it at the right time, when you’re in a particular frame of mind.
Last week, when I was out walking, I was struck by all the subtle variations of brown and barely green that paint the winter landscape. The pale hues seem to make the stripped trees appear darker, almost black, and the sycamore trees look even whiter. The sycamores look so wise and old and surprising. Sometimes they remind me of Gandalf.
Soon the trees and plants will blush and bud. The lion will be tamed, and spring will be here. But first we’ll shovel snow.
March definitely roared in like a lion yesterday – just when I’d made peace with this winter’s lack of snow and my own readiness for spring. I’m not a big fan of a winter without snow, though recently I’ve been struck by the beauty of winter’s snowless palette.
One thing I love about living in this strange place, so different from the suburbia where I grew up and the urban areas I chose to live as a young adult, is the connection it brings with the changing landscape.
In the mornings I walk my dog down a street that leads out of town. It’s a strange street, because it is lined with houses and a sidewalk on one side and an enormous farm with a beautiful stone farmhouse and barn on the other. The farmland has gentle slopes and sections of thickets. Any time of year, on any given day, it can take my breath away. Not in a Grand Canyon kind of way, but in the way a single flower can bring you to your knees if you see it at the right time, when you’re in a particular frame of mind.
Last week, when I was out walking, I was struck by all the subtle variations of brown and barely green that paint the winter landscape. The pale hues seem to make the stripped trees appear darker, almost black, and the sycamore trees look even whiter. The sycamores look so wise and old and surprising. Sometimes they remind me of Gandalf.
Soon the trees and plants will blush and bud. The lion will be tamed, and spring will be here. But first we’ll shovel snow.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
School (sigh)
Yesterday my youngest was home from school. Sick. Again. While he lay on the couch blowing his nose, he said, "I'm glad I'm not at school. Mrs. Jones never lets us get more than one tissue per class."
WHAT?
As a parent, this is the kind of tidbit that can put you over the edge. I mean, seriously? When your nose is running like a faucet, you're only allowed to get up one time per class period for a tissue? (And I should mention that at the beginning of the school year each student has to provide several boxes of tissues -- along with many other supplies -- for the class to use throughout the year.)
I understand it's tough to be a teacher. Classroom control can be a big issue, but wouldn't it be better to risk the loss of "control" for the sake of germ control? I'm fairly certain that students wiping their noses on their hands and sleeves is not in the CDC guidelines.
Have I mentioned that Mrs. Jones reminds me of Angela from The Office?
And speaking of The Office...here's another little school tale for you. Son1 was recently chastised by his foreign language teacher for using the word retarded. I guess the class was nearly over and the students were allowed to talk quietly with each other -- and that's when the offending word was used. He was taken to task for it, and rather than simply saying, "Yes, Mrs. Smith, I apologize for using that word," a discussion ensued. And eventually he explained his position by quoting Michael from The Office: "I'd never call a retard, a retard." Ugh. I assure you that when he told me about that, I did not feel an ounce of pride. (Though I may have laughed out loud, just from the surprise of it. Yup. I think I did. Which was definitely a mistake. Definitely.) Not my proudest parenting moment by a longshot.
WHAT?
As a parent, this is the kind of tidbit that can put you over the edge. I mean, seriously? When your nose is running like a faucet, you're only allowed to get up one time per class period for a tissue? (And I should mention that at the beginning of the school year each student has to provide several boxes of tissues -- along with many other supplies -- for the class to use throughout the year.)
I understand it's tough to be a teacher. Classroom control can be a big issue, but wouldn't it be better to risk the loss of "control" for the sake of germ control? I'm fairly certain that students wiping their noses on their hands and sleeves is not in the CDC guidelines.
Have I mentioned that Mrs. Jones reminds me of Angela from The Office?
And speaking of The Office...here's another little school tale for you. Son1 was recently chastised by his foreign language teacher for using the word retarded. I guess the class was nearly over and the students were allowed to talk quietly with each other -- and that's when the offending word was used. He was taken to task for it, and rather than simply saying, "Yes, Mrs. Smith, I apologize for using that word," a discussion ensued. And eventually he explained his position by quoting Michael from The Office: "I'd never call a retard, a retard." Ugh. I assure you that when he told me about that, I did not feel an ounce of pride. (Though I may have laughed out loud, just from the surprise of it. Yup. I think I did. Which was definitely a mistake. Definitely.) Not my proudest parenting moment by a longshot.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Proud Papa
Most mornings, if you were to get a sneak peek inside my house, you'd find me with the first half hour of the Today Show on. I catch glimpses of it as I make lunches and remind people to actually get up and eat breakfast in time to leave for school. Somehow, a strong cup of coffee along with their brand of "news" and their little dose of morning cheerfulness helps to orient me to the world on weekday mornings. Not sure how that happened.
Last week when I was watching, Meredith and Matt had a brief chat with the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. As they rolled a clip of her writhing on the beach in her impossibly small bikini, she was explaining how wonderful it was to hear her father tell her how incredibly proud he was of her to have made the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Umm. Yeah. Not exactly the reaction I would have if she were my daughter and I were her father.
So that got me wondering, what would make me proud as a parent? I love my boys and I receive a lot of joy from watching them do the things they love to do...but I don't know that I necessarily feel proud of them when they get an A, make a goal, get a hit, or do a great job on stage. I feel happy for them, of course. But I don't think I feel proud.
Of course, it's a strange phrase anyway. What is it to be proud of someone else? I had to look up the word proud in the dictionary to get an idea of what it really means in this context. One definition for proud is "much pleased" and that must be how it's being used here.
I know for sure I wouldn't be "much pleased" to have a daughter displaying her body for cash. No matter how substantial the paycheck or how great the fame.
What makes me feel proud of the boys -- what makes me feel much pleased -- is when they choose to act compassionately or express love for others, particularly those less fortunate than themselves. A few years ago Son3 was honored in chapel with a medal because his classmates chose him as the one who was most Christ-like in their class. That afternoon, he got in the car and told me he'd received a medal. His brothers clamored to see it, but he told us he didn't have it. He'd given it away to a kid in his class -- a boy who is kind of a sad case who really wanted the medal for himself. Son3 gave it to the boy, and his brothers berated him for it. I wasn't proud of his brothers for lambasting him, but I was definitely proud of him. He's a kindhearted little fellow, and that pleases me.
And my other guys have done things for others that have astounded and pleased me. I'd like to tell you, but for whatever reason it just doesn't seem right to share the details. But their hearts are generous and good. This makes me proud. Not that I feel I can take any credit for it. I actually don't. But I do feel much pleased. I feel grateful that I get to be their mom.
Anyway, I'm just wondering what would make you feel proud of your kids or your nieces or nephews or whomever. Do you feel proud of their accomplishments? Their grades or their goals in soccer game? Is it strange that I don't?
And if your daughter grew up to become a swimsuit model for Sports Illustrated, would you feel proud of that? Don't worry...if you say yes, I won't blast you for it. Or not too badly anyway...
Last week when I was watching, Meredith and Matt had a brief chat with the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. As they rolled a clip of her writhing on the beach in her impossibly small bikini, she was explaining how wonderful it was to hear her father tell her how incredibly proud he was of her to have made the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Umm. Yeah. Not exactly the reaction I would have if she were my daughter and I were her father.
So that got me wondering, what would make me proud as a parent? I love my boys and I receive a lot of joy from watching them do the things they love to do...but I don't know that I necessarily feel proud of them when they get an A, make a goal, get a hit, or do a great job on stage. I feel happy for them, of course. But I don't think I feel proud.
Of course, it's a strange phrase anyway. What is it to be proud of someone else? I had to look up the word proud in the dictionary to get an idea of what it really means in this context. One definition for proud is "much pleased" and that must be how it's being used here.
I know for sure I wouldn't be "much pleased" to have a daughter displaying her body for cash. No matter how substantial the paycheck or how great the fame.
What makes me feel proud of the boys -- what makes me feel much pleased -- is when they choose to act compassionately or express love for others, particularly those less fortunate than themselves. A few years ago Son3 was honored in chapel with a medal because his classmates chose him as the one who was most Christ-like in their class. That afternoon, he got in the car and told me he'd received a medal. His brothers clamored to see it, but he told us he didn't have it. He'd given it away to a kid in his class -- a boy who is kind of a sad case who really wanted the medal for himself. Son3 gave it to the boy, and his brothers berated him for it. I wasn't proud of his brothers for lambasting him, but I was definitely proud of him. He's a kindhearted little fellow, and that pleases me.
And my other guys have done things for others that have astounded and pleased me. I'd like to tell you, but for whatever reason it just doesn't seem right to share the details. But their hearts are generous and good. This makes me proud. Not that I feel I can take any credit for it. I actually don't. But I do feel much pleased. I feel grateful that I get to be their mom.
Anyway, I'm just wondering what would make you feel proud of your kids or your nieces or nephews or whomever. Do you feel proud of their accomplishments? Their grades or their goals in soccer game? Is it strange that I don't?
And if your daughter grew up to become a swimsuit model for Sports Illustrated, would you feel proud of that? Don't worry...if you say yes, I won't blast you for it. Or not too badly anyway...
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Thoughts on Coraline & Other Thoughts, too
Well, one of the great things about homeschooling is that you can get a bunch of work done in the morning and then go see Coraline in the afternoon. Son2 loves movies, and he's a particular fan of stories that reflect the reality that life isn't perfect. I respect that. Artistic and interesting little dude that he is, he's been anxiously awaiting Coraline. I told him to watch it with a critical eye -- that he's going to have to write a movie review.
He'll write his on Monday, but here's my simplistic review: I liked it. This is definitely not a movie for little ones. It's pretty complex and dark. Exploring a child's loneliness and dissatisfaction in an animated film is interesting to me. It seems to me that because it's animated, these ideas can almost be expressed with more honesty yet don't feel quite as heavy. I guess. What do I know? I'm no film critic. Anyway, we enjoyed it. It was thought provoking and interesting to watch. Guess you can't ask for much more.
****
Do you ever wish your eyes were a camera? It would be nice for those moments of striking beauty you happen upon as you're out and about, but I usually find myself making this wish when I see something funny. Yesterday I was in the parking lot at Dunkin' Donuts (I'd just bought a few muffins so Sons 2 and 3 could survive their brother's basketball game) and I looked up just as this man was driving by. He was looking at me, so we made eye contact just as he was taking a huge bite of something (a donut, I presume). A kind of embarrassing moment for him, I'd say.
Anyway, I wish I could have snapped a photo at just that moment. It would have cracked up my husband, which is pretty much my goal in life -- to make him laugh. I know it's his goal to make me laugh, which I appreciate. And he's definitely more skilled in the humor department than I am, so I'm getting the good end of the deal. Here's a for instance. I was having a bit of a pregnancy scare toward the end of this week. And at this stage in life, it is a scare. I have no desire to go backwards. The husband was being a great sport about it, saying all the right things and making me feel better...but I was so stressed about it that I got a killer tension headache in the middle of the night. It was intense and crushing, so when I got up yesterday, I took three advil and went straight to the store and bought a pregnancy test. Negative. Phew! While I was out running around with the kids yesterday, he called me and said, "Do you want to know what I was going to say if the test had been positive?" Of course I did. And he said, "I was going to ask, 'Is it mine?'" And that, in short, is why I love him. Because only he could make me laugh under those circumstances.
He'll write his on Monday, but here's my simplistic review: I liked it. This is definitely not a movie for little ones. It's pretty complex and dark. Exploring a child's loneliness and dissatisfaction in an animated film is interesting to me. It seems to me that because it's animated, these ideas can almost be expressed with more honesty yet don't feel quite as heavy. I guess. What do I know? I'm no film critic. Anyway, we enjoyed it. It was thought provoking and interesting to watch. Guess you can't ask for much more.
****
Do you ever wish your eyes were a camera? It would be nice for those moments of striking beauty you happen upon as you're out and about, but I usually find myself making this wish when I see something funny. Yesterday I was in the parking lot at Dunkin' Donuts (I'd just bought a few muffins so Sons 2 and 3 could survive their brother's basketball game) and I looked up just as this man was driving by. He was looking at me, so we made eye contact just as he was taking a huge bite of something (a donut, I presume). A kind of embarrassing moment for him, I'd say.
Anyway, I wish I could have snapped a photo at just that moment. It would have cracked up my husband, which is pretty much my goal in life -- to make him laugh. I know it's his goal to make me laugh, which I appreciate. And he's definitely more skilled in the humor department than I am, so I'm getting the good end of the deal. Here's a for instance. I was having a bit of a pregnancy scare toward the end of this week. And at this stage in life, it is a scare. I have no desire to go backwards. The husband was being a great sport about it, saying all the right things and making me feel better...but I was so stressed about it that I got a killer tension headache in the middle of the night. It was intense and crushing, so when I got up yesterday, I took three advil and went straight to the store and bought a pregnancy test. Negative. Phew! While I was out running around with the kids yesterday, he called me and said, "Do you want to know what I was going to say if the test had been positive?" Of course I did. And he said, "I was going to ask, 'Is it mine?'" And that, in short, is why I love him. Because only he could make me laugh under those circumstances.
Monday, February 2, 2009
"I Need Socks"
I believe socks are the bane of every mother's existence. I know they are the bane of mine. Yesterday afternoon when I urged my 11-year-old to hurry up and get his shoes on so he and his brothers could take the dog to the park, he said, "I need socks." That was probably the fourth time that day that he'd made that announcement.
I am always doing laundry, and we are always running out of socks. How is that even possible? And if we haven't actually run out, then no one has matched them up -- and no one besides me seems capable of matching the many varieties and brands of white ankle socks that we now own. This leaves him always announcing, "I need socks," which is code for "I can't find any socks and I'm too lazy to keep looking."
Truth be told, a certain 11-year-old seems to be the most incapable of ever finding a pair of socks. He is easily frustrated and because that frustration can snowball into excessive emotion over a very small issue and that excessive emotion can then snowball into a migraine...well, you can probably see how I've participated in the development of his small incapabilities. Also, because he is, in general, highly responsible and self-motivated, these incapabilities have sort of slipped in and taken root without me realizing how insidious they are.
So, while it may be time to head to Wal-Mart for a few more bags of socks, it may also be time for me to become a little less involved in helping people find a matching pair. We have friends who dump all the socks into a treasure chest, and it's up to the kids to match them all. Do you think there's a treasure chest aisle at Wal-Mart?
Just kidding. A laundry basket will do just fine.
I am always doing laundry, and we are always running out of socks. How is that even possible? And if we haven't actually run out, then no one has matched them up -- and no one besides me seems capable of matching the many varieties and brands of white ankle socks that we now own. This leaves him always announcing, "I need socks," which is code for "I can't find any socks and I'm too lazy to keep looking."
Truth be told, a certain 11-year-old seems to be the most incapable of ever finding a pair of socks. He is easily frustrated and because that frustration can snowball into excessive emotion over a very small issue and that excessive emotion can then snowball into a migraine...well, you can probably see how I've participated in the development of his small incapabilities. Also, because he is, in general, highly responsible and self-motivated, these incapabilities have sort of slipped in and taken root without me realizing how insidious they are.
So, while it may be time to head to Wal-Mart for a few more bags of socks, it may also be time for me to become a little less involved in helping people find a matching pair. We have friends who dump all the socks into a treasure chest, and it's up to the kids to match them all. Do you think there's a treasure chest aisle at Wal-Mart?
Just kidding. A laundry basket will do just fine.
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